LDR: Part 1- Communication

Sometimes growing up means finding yourself living far away from your significant other. Post-graduation is a time when focusing on jobs is key and this can put people in two different places. That’s where I find myself at the moment. It’s not easy, but it’s part of life. This is part one in a series on Long Distance Relationships (LDR).

The key to any relationship is communication but that becomes the most important thing when your boyfriend/girlfriend lives in a different city/state/country. In 2014 there are so many ways to contact someone, calling, texting, FaceTime, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Tupac’s hologram. There is seemingly no excuse not to talk, but it isn’t that easy.

The first thing to take into account is time zones. Being three hours ahead or behind someone makes things trickier but not impossible. Pretty soon you’ll start to get good at adding or subtracting hours.

The next thing hurdle to get through is when the other person can’t contact you. In my case it’s because my boyfriend finds himself in dead zones for most of the day. He works in the woods, and for some reason America has decided Sasquatch doesn’t need cell towers.

However, no matter how hard you try there are off days where you can’t connect or even if you do the conversations seem off. These days suck. You find yourself mad at your person for no reason and then snapping at them because you’re upset at the situation. There isn’t really a fool-proof solution to this beside understanding it happens and you have to be as considerate as you can about each other’s feelings.

All of this seems obvious and cliche but it’s easy to get caught up in how you’re feeling away from someone and forget the other person is in the exact situation. I’m not an expert because I’ve only been in it a few months, and it’s not something you can understand until you’re in it, but the thing that makes it easier is knowing my boyfriend is working and fighting for our relationship too. That’s the only way to keep from going crazy.

Whoops…

I would like to apologize to my readers (Sorry Dad and Liz) for not posting in a week. My only excuse is that my best friend and boyfriend visited last week and I felt like making human interactions instead of writing on the Internets.

However, I let myself down because I want to post on a schedule so I am back to it this week!

Beerview: Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin

I like beer, and I like to try new beers. I’ll tell you about the good and bad ones I find. I am not qualified an any way to talk about beer, but I’m going to anyway.

It’s October, and that means pumpkin. For better or worse, you can’t turn around in a grocery store without hitting something with spice in the title. Never to be outdone by Starbucks, the beer industry jumped on the gourd train and gives the signature flavor and alcoholic twist.

I thought I would start with a generic brand, Blue Moon, and a generic flavor, Harvest Pumpkin. Let’s give it a try.

The first think I noticed is it has twist-off cap, which is perfect if you’re on the go. On first sip, I detect some definite spice-like notes. Nothing overpowering or risky because it is Blue Moon after all.

Halfway through the bottle the spices dull and it tastes like Blue Moon, and I like Blue Moon, so that’s good. Imagine you spilled cloves in your Belgian Wheat and there you have Harvest Pumpkin. Not bad, but nothing to write home about.

Rating: 2 pint glasses

What is a Millennial?

Millennial is a buzz word. Technically it means anyone 18-35, but it has different meanings for different people. For some it is an annoying teenager who doesn’t know how to interact in the real world. For others it is a huge group of people to advertise to with hash tags and jump cuts. But for me and my friends, it’s us. I am a millennial in the technical sense of the word and the stereotypical. I love social media and Apple products. I watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and I have been out of college for a year and am still working two part time jobs.

I’m not saying this is true of all millennials. I have many friends who have high-paid full-time jobs. Who are working at the careers they went to school for and want to stay in. However, for most of us, that isn’t a reality. This isn’t just my inside experience, it has been talked about. It’s more okay for millennials to live with their parents or work shitty part time jobs to make rent. It’s not that we don’t want to be successful, it’s that we have different dreams than past generations.

My parents went to school to be teachers. When they graduated they got teaching jobs. They didn’t have an “off year” where they watched court shows and job searched. They did what everyone else did, worked hard in college and started their careers. It isn’t that easy anymore for a few reasons.

It started with the economic crash. Employers were cutting back right when millennials started to enter the “real world.” It wasn’t just that people weren’t hiring, but people older than us who were laid off from a career during the crash were not reentering the job market. For the first time in a long time we weren’t only competing against our peers but also our parents and siblings and aunts and uncles. There are less jobs and way more competition.

But that didn’t crush the hopes of millennials because we are such a hopeful generation. We created other jobs from bloggers, to YouTubers, to social media consultants. Fresh out of college, it became clear that our options were more limited than when our parents entered the working world, so we started to find our own way. The biggest trick with manufacturing a career from nothing is waiting to get paid for what we’re created. So we end up living back at home or working at Target while we try to take our passions and skills and turn them into careers.

At the end of the day, millennials are in a pretty rough situation but we’re making the most of it. You better believe we’re not going to settle.

Street Harassment

Today I was on a run around my neighborhood and a random man asked me why I wasn’t smiling. First of all, because I just ran two miles, and secondly eff you. This isn’t the first or second time this has happened. In fact, I get some sort of comment every time I go for a run or buy a six pack from the store. I’m not flattered, it’s not a confident boost, it makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I could write books upon books about this subject but other people have discussed it better than I ever could.

That said, I had an interesting conversation with a good male friend yesterday that brought something to my attention, there are men out there who have no idea how bad street harassment really is. My friend had heard the term and read some articles about statistics but he hadn’t really thought about it until he started hearing stories from his girlfriends. If you do it or see it happen, how can you understand it? I rarely get comments if I’m walking with a man, so my friend had never witnessed anything happening to me. He referred to it as an entire world that is happening right under his nose, and that is the reason I’m writing this.

My friend listened to story after story of things that happen to me every day and started to develop an understanding. The only way this problem is going to get better is if more and more people understand it, and that can be done by talking about it constantly. Talk about it with your male and female friends and slowly we’ll eradicate the behavior.

For more information about how to end street harassment visit Hollaback.org.

Beerview: Mirror Pond

I like beer, and I like to try new beers. I’ll tell you about the good and bad ones I find. I am not qualified an any way to talk about beer, but I’m going to anyway.

Deschutes’ Mirror Pond is not a new beer by any means but it is one of my favorites. I’ve sort of forgotten it in my attempt to try every micro brew in the greater Portland area, but I revisited it tonight and it’s like talking with an old friend. It is full-bodied and warm. I once referred to it as a beer that tastes like a bar, maybe because it actually tastes like wood, but this is the beer to drink if you want to feel like you’re having a night out without leaving your couch. Drop some peanut shells on your floor, light a cigarette, and you’ve made your own personal bar.

Drink it in a glass.

Rating: 4 pint glasses

How to: Survive a 14-hour day

Graduating college might mean that you have to work two or three jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes those jobs work together and you can have a life outside of work, but more often than not that’s not the case and you’ll find yourself in the middle of a 14 hour day. The more of them you do, the easier it will get, but until then here are some tips for getting through a marathon day.

Tip 1: Snacks. A key part to keeping up your energy is lots of snacks. Legally you should have designated meals throughout the day, and those are very important to, but I’m talking about in between meals. You want to bring things that will stave off the hanger at 2 pm. This can be anything you like. You can go for something healthy or stick with comfort food to keep yourself happy.

Tip 2: Make a game. Say you work in retail and you’ve folded the same shirt thirteen times in four hours, that could become tedious. Pretend the president called you to say a meteor is heading toward North America and the only way to stop it is to fold all the shirts on the table in two minutes. Or imagine each shirt is work ten points and getting 500 points means you can go home.

Tip 3: Caffeine. Drink it and love it. I’m not a coffee drinker so I opt for tea or if I’m really desperate soda. Nothing puts a pep in your step like more sugar than should be legal.

There is no formula for getting through a long day, but practice makes perfect.

Interviews

I recently picked up a book called Interviewing for Dummies. I don’t know if I’m necessarily a dummy on the topic, but it was free and if being in college taught me anything it was to never walk away from something free.

Flipping through the book it had your typical tips like “look employers in the eye,” “never talk poorly about former employers” and “don’t ask about money.” Then ones you would think wouldn’t need to be shared like “take a shower,” “don’t insult anyone” and “don’t spit on the interviewer.”

For the most part I didn’t find it useful, then I came to the last section about selling yourself. I’m terrible at talking about what I’m good at, but that’s how you get the job. No one is going to have confidence in someone who doesn’t have confidence in herself.

I think this is a tricky thing because we’re not supposed to boast about ourselves, especially as women. (Sorry guys, I know many of you have the same feeling but I’ve noticed it more with women.) If you’re modest and humble, you’re cute and sweet. If you’re vocal and proud of your achievements you’re stuck up. I don’t exactly know where this feeling comes from, my parents never told me not to talk about myself, nor did my teachers. I think I learned early on that boasting is ugly, but now I’ve come to realize that the people who do it get what they want.

The book didn’t get into any of this, it mostly outlined certain phrases to use to market yourself, but I think it’s something important to talk about if you’re looking for a job, especially as a young woman. There is a huge difference between being proud and confident and being a jerk, and we all know people from both sides of that equation. I know I’m getting past that mental block of needing to me meek and understated. It won’t get what I want and life will be extremely boring that way. At the end of the day with interviews, all you can do is be yourself and be honest.

The other week I had my first truly honest interview, because that’s what the man interviewing me asked for. I told him honestly what my skills are (writing complete sentences, looking at Facebook) and where I see myself in five years (writing complete sentences, looking at Facebook). For the first time, I felt really good after an interview, like I had been entirely myself and the interviewer and I had connected. I was wrong because he never called me back. It would seem that being completely yourself isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

At the end of the day the only thing an interview can do is tell you and the employer if you could work together. Nothing else really matters.

Thoughts on turning 24

I’m sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve posted, I was busy turning 24 and reflecting on my life choices, as you do. 24 is a strange age. You can already vote, drink and Taylor Swift hasn’t written a song about it, but you can’t rent a car (you scoff, but I would love to be able to move myself across town in a UHaul.)

I’ve never been worried about aging because I look 16, and my mom looks like she’s 35. I’m not going to disclose her actual age, but trust me, she doesn’t look it. Seriously, not a wrinkle on that woman. I wouldn’t say I’m worried about aging now, but I think about it more than I ever did.

Younger me had ideas about where I would be when I was 21, 25 and 30. So far it doesn’t look like I’m going to be a rock star or own ten cats and 18 dogs, and I’m not married to Jonathan Taylor Thomas, yet. In fact, my life has taken a completely different turn than I was expecting. Though that could be a scary or discouraging thing, it’s a scary and freeing thing. Never before in my life have I felt so confused and in control at the same time.

I’m not going to be a rock star, but I will kick ass at whatever I end up doing. And last I heard JTT is unmarried, so I’m not closing that door yet.

WHAT IS A CREDIT CARD?

A couple weeks ago, I received a credit card in the mail. I was confused because I already have a credit card. The new one looks exactly like the old one and has the same number. I thought it was strange so I put it in my desk and forgot about it.

Last week, I got a mysterious letter from my bank saying I have been upgraded from a “College Card” to a “Free Cash Something Awesome Rainbow Card.” The note said my card was upgraded because I’ve been doing a good job maintaining my credit.

I was flattered, and then suddenly suspicious (as I always am with compliments) so I read further. It said I didn’t have to do any work to make the change and my limit is doubled. I started to look for a catch, and realized I had no idea what a credit card catch would look like because I have no idea what a credit card is.

I got one when I went to Mexico for a summer in case I lost all my cash and debit card, but no one really briefed me on what they do. I understand credit cards caused a lot of problems in 2012. I know they look deceivingly like debit cards but aren’t. I also know they can’t actually crack a lock but do a decent job of scraping frost off a car window. That pretty much wraps it up. I’ve been pretending to be knowledgeable about credit so long that I feel like it’s too late to ask about it.

So here I stand with two credit cards and no understanding of what that really means. I suppose I’ll do what I’ve been doing for two years, only use the new one for groceries and pay it off the next day.

Someone Call A Grownup

Tales of a graduate nothing

Author: Emily Schiola