I recently picked up a book called Interviewing for Dummies. I don’t know if I’m necessarily a dummy on the topic, but it was free and if being in college taught me anything it was to never walk away from something free.

Flipping through the book it had your typical tips like “look employers in the eye,” “never talk poorly about former employers” and “don’t ask about money.” Then ones you would think wouldn’t need to be shared like “take a shower,” “don’t insult anyone” and “don’t spit on the interviewer.”

For the most part I didn’t find it useful, then I came to the last section about selling yourself. I’m terrible at talking about what I’m good at, but that’s how you get the job. No one is going to have confidence in someone who doesn’t have confidence in herself.

I think this is a tricky thing because we’re not supposed to boast about ourselves, especially as women. (Sorry guys, I know many of you have the same feeling but I’ve noticed it more with women.) If you’re modest and humble, you’re cute and sweet. If you’re vocal and proud of your achievements you’re stuck up. I don’t exactly know where this feeling comes from, my parents never told me not to talk about myself, nor did my teachers. I think I learned early on that boasting is ugly, but now I’ve come to realize that the people who do it get what they want.

The book didn’t get into any of this, it mostly outlined certain phrases to use to market yourself, but I think it’s something important to talk about if you’re looking for a job, especially as a young woman. There is a huge difference between being proud and confident and being a jerk, and we all know people from both sides of that equation. I know I’m getting past that mental block of needing to me meek and understated. It won’t get what I want and life will be extremely boring that way. At the end of the day with interviews, all you can do is be yourself and be honest.

The other week I had my first truly honest interview, because that’s what the man interviewing me asked for. I told him honestly what my skills are (writing complete sentences, looking at Facebook) and where I see myself in five years (writing complete sentences, looking at Facebook). For the first time, I felt really good after an interview, like I had been entirely myself and the interviewer and I had connected. I was wrong because he never called me back. It would seem that being completely yourself isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

At the end of the day the only thing an interview can do is tell you and the employer if you could work together. Nothing else really matters.